I self-reflect on life and all it has to offer.  I recall whenever I am leaving a family member or a friend especially after a visit with a trip…the goodbye time can be difficult for me.  I am reminded of my 6-year old great niece, Victoria who doesn’t like to say goodbye. As a matter of fact, she won’t even look at you when she’s leaving or when you are leaving.

 I notice that when my mom comes to visit, the tension between us seems to build, as she gets closer to the time when she is departing from her visit.  Finally, on one of those visits I said to her…”OK we don’t have to leave like this. I love you mommy and I know that we are both having a hard time saying goodbye.”

Well, it’s apparent that mommy still gets upset when I come to visit because I am pulled in every direction with family and not enough time spent with her even as she sits at 83 years old.

 As I have grown conscious of my reactions to certain situations in my life, I recall when I was a little girl sitting in the big picture window watching my mom leave for a weekend Las Vegas trip with my aunt and uncle.  I would cry because I was so attached to my mom and I would follow her around the house when I was little because I was bonded to her… Tears just flowing through my eyes as I observe her getting into the car that whisked its way to the streets of Las Vegas.

 Do goodbyes really have to be that difficult?  Even though I am damn near an empty nester, I found myself having a hard time saying goodbye to my oldest daughter who goes away to college at every summer, winter and spring break.  Something snapped in me when she left from the last Summer break.  It probably will be her last Summer break goodbye as she takes on more responsibility with her own life and as I become the divorced peri-menopausal woman searching for something different than raising her kids as they become more independent in finding their own way into the world.

 Are good byes hard because I am this Pericardium Fire-type (One of Chinese Medicine Five Element archetypes) where connection matters more than anything to me?  Or is it just because I have these deep embedded memories of having a hard time to say goodbye because of my experience as a little girl?  Or as a shaman is it something that I need to examine from a past life because it may be imprinted in my soul and part of my soul’s lesson here?  The importance is that I have brought it to the conscious level so that when I am relating to others I understand when those difficult goodbyes come up, I understand and recognize what is going on with me as a spiritual being having a human experience and I can work with it.

One might ask, “What does this have to do with Self-Care?”  Self-Care is multifaceted and this is taking it to a deeper level of understanding oneself on the soul level and being able to relate to others when your triggers come up in life.  Self-Care is being aware of your vulnerabilities so that you may grow and flourish in life to be the Shining Star you are here to BE!  That is the ultimate Self-Care!